Dear Nan, I've been a little quiet on my blog lately, I've used the fact that I've been filming videos for vlogmas as an excuse, as much as the fact that I'm snowed under at work - both very true, although not exactly the reason why I've avoided sitting down and writing one of those really meaty posts. I've posted every day of course, but they've been recipes and quick posts that didn't require much emotion. The reason I've been a little quiet is because of last weekend.
I flew back to England for the weekend, I stopped off to see Granddad and your dog William at the first chance I got. You'll be pleased to know I took him a Christmas gift - Chocolates (Thorntons), you'd approve. He's doing well and the house looks exactly as you left it. We sat and chatted over a cup of tea, he asked if I would like one of your scarves. Of course I jumped at the chance, I have so desperately wanted something of yours for the past three months. Something that would remind me of the happier times, of your laugh.
So I followed him into your bedroom and as I carefully looked through your large drawer of scarves (Nan how many did you have?!) Granddad asked if I'd mind going through the rest of your belongings. He said he found it far too difficult to do himself but wanted a large majority of your possessions to go to those you loved. I wasn't expecting this request, in fact my first instinct was to apologise and say I couldn't do it, and bolt right out of your lovely warm bungalow. The thing is Nan, you taught me never to do that. You taught me to stand tall, be strong and face whatever situation I am to find myself in. I so carefully went through your clothes, your jewelry and make up, your drawers and drawers of scarves and costumes you used for the theatrical plays you took part in. I handled it all with care, and William sat close by keeping an eye on everything.
Nearing the end of the sorting out I opened the bottom drawer on your dresser to find your old Sailing Club T-Shirt. I felt my heart skip a beat as so many memories flooded my mind. The funny thing is Nan you kept very few old clothes, they're nearly all new apart from a few which are in pristine condition. But this one isn't, and this one, well this one is the most special gift I could have received this Christmas.
The ironic thing is, when I was a little girl I longed so very much for a Sailing Club polo just like yours, I wanted to be just like you. It goes to show, that when you want something enough, eventually it will find it's way to you.
So, on that note Nan, I hope somehow you receive all of my love this Christmas. I hope I am doing you proud in spreading all of the Christmas magic that I possibly can. I brought nearly all of your clothes home with me, sharing them out between Mum, Jess and I. I have adorned my tree with the decorations you gave to me over the years and my living room is covered in the Christmas lights you sent to me. Luckily I kept your Christmas card from last year, so that too is on display right next to the picture I have of you and I.
As you can see, you are so very missed and you will never be forgotten. Especially at Christmas time.
Your Granddaughter - The little girl who wanted to be just like her Nan Audrey.